Now, a quick shout out to the bar owners. I’m not talking about the chain restaurant bars where the owner never shows up; I’m talking about the real bars where that bastard (or cool dude as it may be) shows up everyday to count money and chew ass. I’ve worked for both and I’m going to have to go with the owner who still has some hands on and some sense left. Let’s face it: owning a bar is the #1 fantasy of men under 30 and the #2 fantasy for those over 30. Lot’s of misconceptions here. First off, there are two types of bar owners: those whose profits go into cute chicks, fair-weather friends, and themselves AND those who don’t go broke in two years. You can mix and match but you’d better have your shit together. You’ve gotta run a bar like you know you can get laid. If not, you’re busted, broke and will never get laid again. Owning a bar is for the weak and stupid or the drunk and brave. Every bar owner drinks; they just don’t all drink their mortgage. Thus, I have to give a shout out to those who have managed to make a fucking living in the roughest business in America (other than madam of cheap whore house and sometimes---what’s the fucking difference?).

That being said, we’ve all worked for bad asses and fucking weasel fucks. You know the difference on day one and you work accordingly. Like I said before, I’m here for the tips. There has got to be an equation (and I’d like to see someone better at math than I am figure it out) that shows the ratio to bullshit a bartender will take from their boss before purposefully breaking glasses on the floor and throwing the door key at their head hoping to hit an unguarded eyeball. That doesn’t even include the bullshit we take from customers but that’s not the point right now. We all have our price but we all have our dignity too. If our boss has our back, our dignity can hold out a bit longer.

If you find yourself ready to complete that ultimate male fantasy and buy a bar one day, here’s some advice: Marry it. Work that bar everyday for five years. Don’t drink. Save every penny. Sell it after five years and get into something that will keep your liver and sanity intact. That’s just my opinion and my plan someday.