There’s this woman that comes in a couple of nights a week, I’ll call her “Kathy”. Kathy is 42 going on 22 and still has everything in all the right places. She’s simply a knockout. We’ve been playing this little hit on each other game for a long time and it finally ended up being something else—very discreet and totally awesome.

The problem is, Kathy’s 21 year old, gorgeous daughter just moved to town and she’s been hitting on me like crazy. Without making this sound like a Penthouse Forum Letter, I’m sure you get the idea that I have the chance to sleep with her daughter too but I could end up ruining the laid back fun I have with Kathy. Even worse, if her daughter knew I’d slept with her mom, it’d be over before it got started.

It’s all big fucking Springer disaster but help me out folks. There’s no way I’d date Kathy but I would love to date her daughter. How do I handle this without fucking it all up? To Cow/Calf Combo or not to Cow/Calf Combo, that is the question?

I hate frozen drinks. Actually, I don’t mind a stiff top-shelf margarita with a little salt on occasion but I do hate making them. Frozen drinks should be either made at home or sipped on a tropical beach. I’ve got too many real drinks to sling around on a given day/night without having to pause for the three gals from Missouri who each want to try a Pina Colada, Strawberry Daiquiri, and a Mudslide in differing orders. Hey, making drinks is my job (at least part of it) but selling snow-cones is for theme park vendors. Here are a few tips for those of you who like your habit frozen: (1) Know what you want before you order. Do you want salt or no salt? Frozen or on the rocks? And be able to name at least one brand of tequila. (2) Know what’s in what you’re drinking. If one more peanut head brings back their Strawberry Daiquiri because they don’t like rum, they’d better have on a red shirt. (3) Drink it really fast because I love it when the three brain cells you’re using all freeze up casting your face into a Jagermeister Advertisement. (4) Learn to drink like other grown-ups. (5) All will be forgiven if you tip well and smile nice.