Looking back, I’ve pretty much been writing a handbook for beginning bartenders or clueless clients. Hopes it’s helped. Certainly can’t tell from the responses but you’ll have that. I imagine there is at least one soul out there reading this stuff. If not, at least I get to write a little. It helps to clear the mind of all the built-up bullshit collected after a day or two of serving “the man” or rather, a few hundred Venice tourists and a few dozen “locals.” I put the word in parenthesis (yes English fucking major slinging drinks) because a local in Venice can mean a fuckload of different things. For example:

1. LIFER’S: Folks who were living here when “a dime bag still cost a dime”* These folks have seen some changes and can’t wait to tell you all about the downside of every one of them. Most of them are real cool and have some great stories but nothing you do will EVER match what once was. Ce La Vie.

2. THE FIVERS: People who have managed to survive here for over five years. A lot of these dudes have made it on the boardwalk selling their art (or juggling chainsaws, handling snakes, making sand castles etc). There’s something to be said about tenacity and some of them are pretty fucking talented. You don’t make if five years on this boardwalk without skill or a killer gimmick. You should see this Magician, I know.

3. THE BABYS: People who haven’t been here five years. Most of them aren’t more than yearlings. It’s a tough place to make it. The percentages aren’t high. I’m not saying everyone fails, some just move up, on, or over but definitely out. Lots of spiritual quests and Hollywood hopefuls. Lots of heartbreak but some great fucking parties.

4. THE HOMELESS: These can fall into any of the above but you can’t help wishing that the Senate would come down and have morning coffee with these guys sometime.

Fuck, here I am defining shit again. Oh well. You know what I do. I’m just trying to tell you where I live. More later.

*Willy Nelson in “Half-Baked.”