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Stardate 27 October 2005

Halloween is almost upon us. Why is it that so many girls dress up as sluts?

God, I love Halloween!!!

Yeah, my mind is on pussy. Like yours isn't. Fuck you. A man thinks about pussy every 3 seconds -- so they say. It's not conscious all the time, obviously, or we'd do nothing but whack off 24/7-- which isn't a bad idea. I realized you know your relationship is over when you go to bed with your girlfriend -- and can't wait for her to fall asleep so you can whack off.

Not gonna go into what's going on with my girlfriend because I don't have one. I date. I tell women right from the start that I am not looking for anything serious, that I just want to have fun. And yet, they DON'T LISTEN.

Like, say, Margo for example. That crazy-ass bitch who bashed in my car after we fuck and AFTER I tell her I'm not interested in anything other than some fun. I still have no idea why Crazy Bitch, which will be my new name for her from now on, bashed in my car. I'd say it was "that time of the month" but I was down there and the floodgates were not open. If they had been, I wouldn't have been down there. Not into going down on a women and coming up looking like I just came back from a war zone. But I will fuck her. I don't understand guys who don't. The same guys who will slay a dragon in order to get a woman is afraid of a little blood on his little cock. That's just stupid. Best time to fuck is when she's on her period. Why? 'Cause you can cum inside of her and no worries about getting her pregnant. And the last thing I ever want to do at this point in my life is get some crazy hoe -- or any woman for that matter, pregnant. Shit, that would fucking throw one hell of a curve ball into my life. I'm barely responsibility to take care of myself, let alone a kid. Fuck, that's a scary thought -- me with kids.

Don't get me wrong, I love kids. Not in a wacko-Jacko way of course. I think kids are the best humans on the planet, because they are 110% honest and they believe anything is possible...up until the age of nine. Then, sadly, we learn "can't," "don't," "impossible" and a host of other bullshit that fucks up our lives and causes us to live in fear.

Damn, my head hurts from talking about all this deep shit. Let me get back to pussy.

Crazy Bitch's pussy to be exact. 'Cause the thing is, I keep thinking about it. I don't want to, be it seems that the crazier a woman is the better she is in bed-- and Crazy Bitch is one crazy motherfucker and that means in bed-- she's a Goddess! She’s every man's dream cum true!!! I would never tell Crazy Bitch that, because she's the type who would use it to fuck with my head. I don't want to-- wait, what's that? Ahhh... you smell that? You smell that? Yep, it's pussy! And it's knocking on my front door. So I'll have to cut this short because, well, if you can't figure out why, you're a freakin' moron.

Stardate 14th October 2005

Today, I had to kill a client.

Well, not in the traditional sense of killing, although I wouldn't mind doing that at times. What, like you never thought of killing someone?! Right...Anyway, this knucklehead who's name I won't mention because it would be unfair to him, Steve White, is an actor I found doing a one man show in the basement of a bar in Venice for 3 drunk people and a waitress. I stumble into the place by mistake thinking there was an AA meeting going on. No, I'm not AA, I just learned from a movie called "The Player" it's a great way to make contacts because every other person in Hollywood is. By the way, that goes for going to the coke meeting and the Bulimics. Bring a Twinkie, you'll get the best blowjob of your fucking life!

Anyway, I go down here and see this guy pouring his heart out. Well, actually, I see the tits on the waitress. Great tits. And yes, assholes, I did get to play with them later. Tits-- they're not just for kids!

After I get done staring at Tit's MaGee's assets and I put my boner in check, I notice Steve doing his thing. And fuck me but he's actually good. Better than good. A little spit and polish and this guy has the makings of a star.

So I sign him.

I even loan him some money to get some decent clothes. I set him up on what I call the Test Audition. This is when an agent sends a client to audition for someone he’s friends with so he can get honest feedback. And honestly, the feedback is very good. So my hunch is right.

Now it's time to get down to the real work. I know that Marti (that's Martin Scorsesse) is doing a new movie Steve would be perfect for-- the second lead...will make him a star. So I bust my ass to convince Marti he needs to see this guy and then stop looking. Marti likes me because I introduced him to Leo at a party and they ended up making two movies together...thus far. Leo is his new DeNiro. Shit, I hope Bobby ain't pissed at me.

Anyway, he agrees to see Steve and not anyone else until he does. Great. We're in. Oh wait, I didn't realize Steve is a FUCKING MORON!!! He doesn't show up to the meeting. I track his slacker ass down and find out he's all bent up about some girl who dumped him. For fuck sake, get a pair of balls and move on. Okay, maybe that's a little insensitive, but hey, he becomes a star she'll come running back...her future divorce attorneys not far behind her.

So I snap Steve out of it and set up another audition. Marti's pissed but he's been around long enough to know that actors are flakes.

What does Steve do? Yep, you guessed it, he blew off the audition again. After I listen to Marti scream at me for ten minutes on the phone telling me I'm the asshole, I find Steve. He was bullshitting me about the girl. It was all an act. (Like I said, he's a great actor.) He tells me the real reason he didn't go is because he's out of shape and he thinks he'll look like shit on film. Uh, dude, there's such a thing called A GYM! Or like, EATING HEALTHIER!!! But no, he says that he just quit smoking and the only way for him to lose weight is for him to start smoking again because he's not discipline enough to do it any other way and no roll is worth his life.

Yeah, Assface? Well no client is worth my life either, so go find some other agent to hold your hand and walk you threw the ways of the world because Sid is Sidbye, Sidgone, Siddon'tcallmeeveragainassfacemotherfucker!!!

Sid, over and out.